Work and studying, it was my life for so long. Work, LSAT class, work, LSAT class, then suddenly it’s all over. I find myself on the other side of the finished line and truthfully, it doesn’t feel as great as I thought it would. I have to wait 2 more weeks to find out my LSAT score, I’ve already waited a week.
I should be more relaxed, I’m now more than a week into my year-long vacation. I should be excited, Shanghai is only a month away. But mostly I worry and I stress. I’m so used to being stressed, maybe I’ve forgotten how to relax. It feels strange to not have all these responsibilities weighing down on my shoulders; I don’t know what to do with myself.
The first week of my vacation was rather uneventful. I was sick in bed for all of it. Less than 24 hours after the LSAT, my body gave up. I’m certain that I had willed my body into staying healthy for those terrible weeks leading up to the test. For two months, twice a week, I would rush to Berkeley after a full day of work for 4 more hours of class. There wasn’t always time for dinner and there was never enough time for sleep.
Those were difficult days, but I loved them. I loved the hustle; I loved being productive all the time. In two weeks, I get to find out what it was all for. No pressure. I already felt all the pressure during the test.
In less than two weeks, I’ll be back in sunny San Diego. There really is no cause for complaint — the weather is beautiful, the food delicious, the shopping extravagant. But it is not the Bay Area. I can’t express how difficult it is for me to leave the Bay. I’ve worked so hard to build my life here and it feels like I’m throwing it all away. I wake up every morning feeling like I just went through a breakup and two thoughts keep me going: (1) I haven’t started packing for the move and (2) Shanghai.
I think about everything I’ll miss here in the Bay Area: my apartment, the food, my friends. Then I think about my dad in Shanghai, my grandparents, the intolerable summers and the excruciating winters, and it all seems worth it. I’ve thought it through a thousand times, and now a thousand and one.
Still, quitting my job and taking a year off to live in Shanghai? I’m pretty crazy.