In Flight

Less than 4 weeks till I leave California for Shanghai, briefly, then Nanjing.

I strung up the lights from my old apartment in Emeryville today. Those and the leather chaise made me feel like I was back in my apartment. I’ll never know how I found the strength to uproot my life a year ago and move to Shanghai, with no real plan in mind. I had a good life in the Bay: a steady job, friends who made me laugh, and a place to call my own. A life I had spent more than two years building.

Nor will I know what gave me the courage to leave the comfort of my home for the Bay Area 3.5 years ago, to spend 6 months on an air mattress in my friend’s living room before I was able to afford my own place.

Time moves forward. We can choose to move with it or stay still and watch it pass us by.

I think about all the things I gave away in the weeks before I left Emeryville: my ironing board, my kitchen knife set, the green watering can I used to keep the plants in my patio alive. All trivial objects yet the sentimentalist in me wonders how I gave them all away. It must have seemed easy then compared to leaving the Bay.

Then I think about how I began this entire journey, the life I had given up 4.5 years ago. It would’ve been a good life I’m sure, a happy life. I just wanted more.

From the comfort of my home it all seems so impossible, how I lived the past few years and what’s ahead of me now. Yet I know as soon as I get on the plane, nothing will feel more natural.

My heart is wild. And I want everything this life has to offer.

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